No Trick or Treat for Some - by Mical

Halloween passed through my house this year with nothing more than a yawn. I watched some lame NBA game while my fiancée’ studied. We could hear one kid scope out our place since they saw lights on, but they decided to move on to homes that had crap in their yard announcing “free candy.”  For some people, there is no choice. Some people can’t give out candy even if they wanted to. I don’t speak of the poor, but a class of people much lower on the totem poll. I speak of the second class citizens in our neighborhoods known as “Registered Sex Offenders.”

More ticks than treats here.

Fox News (always good for a laugh) told us of the plight of RSOs everywhere. Halloween is a apparently a busy time for probation officers as they scurry to RSOs homes to make sure they are not celebrating Halloween in any form whatsoever. No candy, no costumes, no answering the door (which must make check ups difficult), no decorations to lure unsuspecting children into their homes via Bit-o-Honey, or some “fun sized” chocolate bar.

A perv’s potential calling card

It doesn’t matter if you were tricked into oral sex with a minor (believe you me, it’s difficult to tell these days) or perhaps you were caught stuffing sheep hooves in your boots at an A&M pep rally? You get no trick or treat. You get a quiet night alone in your home while your entire neighborhood celebrates a pagan holiday.

Busted!!

Some probation officers check round the clock on RSOs as if to suggest that once the officer leaves their home, the RSO might hurry to the restroom to slap on a costume and begin molesting kids instantly. How shitty is your life if you spend Halloween checking up on others to make sure they are not celebrating it? Fuck that. I wonder if the probation officer calls up these RSOs and says “Hey, I just wanted to make sure you’re still a miserable sack of shit, and not scoping out all these cute kids outside your door. It’s crazy out here!”

Going to this house? Perfectly legal.

I could argue that there is no better time to visit your local RSO than Halloween. Don’t children usually have parents with them when they are trick or treating? If little Timmy wanders over to an RSO house, do you think that RSO is going to just abduct him in broad moonlight? C’mon. These guys are pros. There is a fine line between shooting fish in a barrel and stepping on a land mine. RSOs know the difference. Trust me.

So, next year when you walk around your neighborhood and your wee one says “let’s go to that house without any lights on. It looks scary.”  Explain to them that there is no candy to be had there, but gently rap on the door anyway. I’ll be on the other side listening, wishing I could give your kid a full sized Butterfinger.

Jump the fence kid. I gots candy!