If my car were KITT - by Danu

If my car were KITT (which it is sooo not), it would be crying right now and cursing the name, “Ricardo.” “Ricardo” is the name of the man who unloaded a porcelain sink and bathtub on the highway I was driving to work on the other day. I know he didn’t do it on purpose; but, do you know how much damage driving over a sink will do to your car? A lot. I thought it was funny when my co-worker asked me if the sink came off of a big trailer driven by a Mexican guy. Had he met Ricardo? Not exactly– but lots of people have met many like him.

This is not just a Mexican phenomenon.

Having driven over the sink rendered my car undriveable which forced me to pull over in the emergency lane. Upon exiting my car, I had the pleasure of meeting Ricardo for the first time (unlike the rest of the world who had apparently already made his acquaintance.) I approached him as semis were whizzing by and the first words out of his mouth were, “They fell off another truck that drove off.” Then the Chola Abogada within me was waiting to burst out. “Why you lying!?” is what I wanted to say but instead, asked, “Did your vehicle get damaged?” He replied, “No.” So, I’m thinking, and I ask him, “Then why did you pull over?” Do you know what he said? If you’ve met him before, you probably do. But, if not, I’ll tell you. He said he pulled over to go get that other person’s stuff out of the four-lane 70mph highway. I’m soooo sure.Is there a Patron Saint of Road Debris Collection? If not, there should be; because this guy would have had to do a lot of praying to get that bathtub out of the highway without dying. And to do so knowing that it wasn’t his booty would make him a saint.

No need to handle litter and debris with our sturdy Trash Pick-Up Stick! With this handy tool there’s no repetitive bending and stretching, it speeds up your cleanup process and safely picks up litter and debris and reaches into difficult places like four-lane highways and dragon’s mouths! If only…

So, I go to my cell phone to call the non-emergency line to alert them about the hazards in the road and when I turn around and see a cop. Never before have I been so happy to see a police man.

Okay, well, maybe once…(but I don’t think he was a real cop.) Ahem.

Anyway, they assisted me in escorting Ricardo and me off the highway into a hotel parking lot where they (there were now three cops on motorcycles) waited with me for the tow truck to arrive. The police were trying to convince me I just had a flat tire and I wanted to say, “Why you lying!?” because I knew it was much, much worse than that. (Always get a second opinion.) The police were nice, though; they didn’t give me a hard time about my expired inspection sticker or my unloading the contraband from my trunk before my car was hauled off.

My inclination is to always go into situations knowing you catch more flies with honey- except, apparently, when it comes to insurance agencies. I called Ricardo’s company minutes after the accident. The person assigned to my claim, Marcos, was out of the office, days later he calls to tell me the driver wasn’t the owner of the vehicle and there might be a third party insurance company that may take liability, that he’d get back to me. blah, blah, blah. A week and several messages left later, I finally get him on the phone and call him out like some scrub that never returned my phone calls; well, because that’s exactly what he was. The entire thing was resolved within hours after I called him out on his poor performance.On the up side, I’ve been driving a rental car that is a change of pace from my normal, conservative car. The guy at Enterprise showed me my options and I said, “I want the clown car.”

Freak-Mobile

I have to say, other than the loads of blind spots the car has, I am really enjoying it- even the color! Orange is a very controversial color for vehicles (I have been informed.) Most people I know aren’t so hip to it but it’s grown on me.I still can’t help but get a little anxious when I cross that same stretch of road on my commute everyday. So, my driving habits have changed pretty dramatically. Now, I am officially an old woman- or, I at least drive like one.

Me

The thing is, I couldn’t justify paying $30 a day for the rental car company’s insurance. Now, I have something in common with Ricardo. Stop crying KITT; it’s going to be okay…eventually.