Calcetines (6 pair, lo puedes creer?!)

Chones (Fruta de los Looms)

I look just like this in my chones.

Un DVD de pornos from Alemania (thanks, Chito!)

Este uh.. what do you call it… camera digital? How do you work this, mijo? It’s got chingos de buttons.

Gift card for the liquor store. ¡Todo edad!

Un Tony Romo jersey. Go Cowboys!

Leave him alone, Jessica Simpson.

A Dayplanner. Pues, que pinche fregado shit es esto?

A case of Tecate. My wife is the best. I love you, baby! Merry Holidays!

Hey, mijo! I finally got this computer chingona to work.

Oye, this Internet is purty good. I saw a picture of a goat doing it with a señora from Germany. Pues, I think it was a goat.

Anyway, mijo, I know you don’t have time to visit me and your Tia on Thanksgivings. I know you’re busy with your blackberries and your Warcrafts y todo eso fregado.

Pero, don’t forgot — your Tio has a lot of good advice. I’ve been around a long time and I’ve seen a lot of pendejo shit. Like this one time, your dad and I went to Boystown and we met a hairless, toothless puta named Conchita. And your dad didn’t think she was worth the $10, but it was getting late and we were pretty drunk, so we… oye, your mom doesn’t know how to get on los blogs, right? Pues, chingado, I can’t even check because este pinche dial up takes for ever.

Toothless, Hairless. Close enough

What I was trying to tell you, mijo, is that even though you’re not coming over to eat your Tía’s Tecate Stuffing or to come watch los Cowboys aquí, we’ll be thinking about you. También when that Tony Romo throws como five touchdowns and I jump up and down y screaming y calling your papá to tell him que Troy Aikman sucks y que he’s gay. You’re gonna miss it, niño.

There’s gonna be a lot of Tecate.

Hey, are you still dating that girl that had the tattoo down close to her nalga crack? Of ese dolphin? Ay, mijo — I told her to help your Tía get all the pots and pans out of the cabinets because of my arthritises, pero it was so I could see her stretch her asscrack. Remember when I went to the bathroom right after that for a while? I had to take care of business, like esos Bachman Turner Overdrives. Are you still con esa girl? You should bring her over to the house again.

Pues, mijo, I just wanted to drop you un blog aquí. We’ll save you some turkey y can de cranberries for after Día del Turkey. Maybe you can show me how to use estos Facebooks y Myspaces. This guy at work told me there’s lots of girls with their chi-chis all over los webcams on those webs.

Girls like this! ¡Dios mío!

Hasta Chreesmas, mijo. See you at the barbecue. How do I print this so you can read it?