My most recent fascination has become pet wigs:

Kitty wigs are real.

How people ever got those cats to not take those wigs off is a mystery to me. I do have a guess, though…sedatives. Cats have enough hair (just ask my sofas.) Why would someone think they needed more of it? These cats are just going to create unrealistic expectations of the standards of beauty that cats are already challenged to live up to.

Oh the pressure!

Dogs, too.

Next thing you know, these cats will end up just like all the Hollywood Teens whose lives were spoiled by the high-pressure lifestyle of being in the public eye.

Downward Spiral

Oh, who cares- we all know what happens to all of them in the end, anyway.

“Babies taste better.”

If you’re been to a few LCP shows over the years, you’ll notice that we’ve done a few “Best of…” shows and that there are sketches that have survived for years and years and years (sometimes to our dismay).

The reason is that it’s a lot harder than it sounds to write an hour and half of a good, original material for a brand-new show. (Nevermind the process of filming video sketches or rehearsing live stuff: it always begins with long writing meetings, revising scripts and lots of discussion and ideas.)

Sometimes, ideas for sketches float around within the group for years without ever getting written or performed. “Chola Abogada” (and similarly, “The Sign Guy”) from our most recent show, “AlienNation” is a good example. This sketch dates back at least three or four years. I don’t remember if it was while we were on tour or whether it was while we were performing “Citizen Quien?” but I remember specifically coming up with the idea while talking to JoJanie Segura. We started riffing on the idea of a bad, unprepared, floja TV lawyer who somehow wins every case.

JoJanie started doing the voice of the character, “Oye, judge… like, I object, and shit!” and the sketch practically wrote itself in my head.

Sounds easy, right? Well, I didn’t end up writing a draft of the sketch for maybe two more years. When I finally did, it was written as a filmed commercial for a fictional TV show on Si TV.

These were the opening lines:

(This is done in rapid-fire TV show-commercial promo style.)

VOICE-OVER

(Over black screen until title cards)

From the semi-acclaimed creators of Brownsville Legal –

TITLE CARD: “BROWNSVILLE LEGAL” in heavy, large type, white-text-on-black.

VOICE-OVER (CONT’D)

– and Univision’s crossover hit “LA LEY Y EL ORDEN… DE MI CORAZON” –

TITLE CARD: “LA LEY Y EL ORDEN” in same heavy script as before, but froofy pink cursive below on “… de mi corazon”.

VOICE-OVER (CONT’D)

– comes a new prime-time legal eagle.

When we started writing the sketches that would make up “AlienNation,” I brought the video version of “Chola Abogada” to the table. We read it and it got a good reaction, but it felt light on jokes while simultaneously being too long. There wasn’t a lot of characterization to Maria Villanueva, either. Most of her dialogue sounded like this:

MARIA

You see? See? Right? He didn’t do it! Riiiight?
Quien te crees, right? Riiiiiight?

Part of the problem for me, as the writer, was that JoJanie wasn’t going to be in the sketch and I had a hard time picturing anyone else doing the role, despite the talents of our actresses. The sketch went through several frustrating drafts. Other cast members shot off suggestions for jokes. An addition I’d made that would give the sketch more structure and a quick-moving story was added, taken out, then put back in. (One note that I have written on the top of a draft that still exists on Google Docs: “This draft was read on Tuesday. Working in some joke additions from 5/29 meeting — omar.”)

The biggest change we made, however, was transforming the sketch from a video to a stage production. We realized somewhere in the writing process that we had lots of video sketches and too few stage ones. We also had limited time to get all the videos we had written shot and edited. “Chola” was a sketch that seemed like it could work on stage, even though we’d never done a courtroom sketch that wasn’t a video. That scared me a little: I remember one sketch festival we went to where it seemed like every white sketch troupe had at least one silly courtroom sketch. I was worried it would just look and feel flat on stage.

Luckily the drafts of the sketch were getting better and the jokes were getting stronger. And I got very lucky in the casting of Karinna to play the character. Going a bit off of some characters Karinna has done in the past (specifically a character she played in the Teatro Humanidad show “Luminarias”) I made the character less goofy and more aggressive. We put together a voice over that Mical recorded at a studio with some video titles to give the sketch the feel of a TV show promo.

Once we were happy with a final draft, the sketch went away for me. I wasn’t in this show, so I only got to see a few rehearsals, but every time I saw the interactions of the cast members and Adrian’s direction, I got happier and happier. I was beginning to feel like the sketch, which is a goofy piece with some silly dick jokes and weird puns, was actually going to work:

PROSECUTOR: Your honor, I object.

MARIA: (Turns on PROSECUTOR) Oye! You’re an attorney, right?

PROSECUTOR: Yes.

MARIA: Pues, I’m a-’turn it around on YOU! Comprendes, Mendez?

What finally makes the sketch work on stage is how well Karinna sells the character, how quickly the sketch itself moves from scene to scene and how Nick, Mical and everyone else play their roles perfectly straight. It also contrasts nicely with the rest of the show: we have some pretty political material, some dance numbers and a lot of video in “AlienNation.” “Chola Abogada” works because it has a different tone (certainly goofier) than a lot of the rest of the material. That’s been one of the great things about writing for the group: I think we have a definite point of view as a group, but within that point of view, several different voices and comedy styles. You could go down the line and very clearly see how the sketches I write are very different from what Adrian writes and that what Adrian writes is very different from Raul, Mical, Karinna, Danu or Raul’s stuff. But they all fit in the LCP mold and putting them all together into one show makes for a good mix.

The take-aways, I guess, are not to give up on a good idea (or a moderately decent idea that can be polished later), even if it takes years to get it on stage. It also helps to know who’ll be performing what you’re writing: knowing an actor’s strengths can help you draw up better material for them. And, when in doubt, ask the group for help. We’ve gotten pretty good at injecting decent sketches with infusions of table-read suggestions and turning them into great sketches.

[Read more…]

In the parlance of the intertubewebnets: “Kewl! WOOT! All your racists are belong to us.”

In honor of the ghoulishly hateful Republican debate on Tuesday, the videos featured on YouTube’s main page yesterday were all politically themed. Little did any of us realize that among the videos chosen to be featured was the LCP’s very own “Mex vs BC (Born Citizen) Pt. 2 - JOBS”.

It’s gotten over a quarter million views in just the couple of days since being on the main page. Happily, the suddenly heavy viewership of this one video seems to have spilled over to the rest of the videos in the “Mex vs. BC” series. The rapidly multiplying viewer comments are, as always, colorful.

The LCP is glad we could be of some relevance in elevating the ongoing immigration “discourse”…

“I’d strangle a brown person in their sleep!” “Well, I’d slowly torture them until they begged for death!” “Would not!” “Would too!” “Nuh-UH!”

If my car were KITT (which it is sooo not), it would be crying right now and cursing the name, “Ricardo.” “Ricardo” is the name of the man who unloaded a porcelain sink and bathtub on the highway I was driving to work on the other day. I know he didn’t do it on purpose; but, do you know how much damage driving over a sink will do to your car? A lot. I thought it was funny when my co-worker asked me if the sink came off of a big trailer driven by a Mexican guy. Had he met Ricardo? Not exactly– but lots of people have met many like him.

This is not just a Mexican phenomenon.

Having driven over the sink rendered my car undriveable which forced me to pull over in the emergency lane. Upon exiting my car, I had the pleasure of meeting Ricardo for the first time (unlike the rest of the world who had apparently already made his acquaintance.) I approached him as semis were whizzing by and the first words out of his mouth were, “They fell off another truck that drove off.” Then the Chola Abogada within me was waiting to burst out. “Why you lying!?” is what I wanted to say but instead, asked, “Did your vehicle get damaged?” He replied, “No.” So, I’m thinking, and I ask him, “Then why did you pull over?” Do you know what he said? If you’ve met him before, you probably do. But, if not, I’ll tell you. He said he pulled over to go get that other person’s stuff out of the four-lane 70mph highway. I’m soooo sure.Is there a Patron Saint of Road Debris Collection? If not, there should be; because this guy would have had to do a lot of praying to get that bathtub out of the highway without dying. And to do so knowing that it wasn’t his booty would make him a saint.

No need to handle litter and debris with our sturdy Trash Pick-Up Stick! With this handy tool there’s no repetitive bending and stretching, it speeds up your cleanup process and safely picks up litter and debris and reaches into difficult places like four-lane highways and dragon’s mouths! If only…

So, I go to my cell phone to call the non-emergency line to alert them about the hazards in the road and when I turn around and see a cop. Never before have I been so happy to see a police man.

Okay, well, maybe once…(but I don’t think he was a real cop.) Ahem.

Anyway, they assisted me in escorting Ricardo and me off the highway into a hotel parking lot where they (there were now three cops on motorcycles) waited with me for the tow truck to arrive. The police were trying to convince me I just had a flat tire and I wanted to say, “Why you lying!?” because I knew it was much, much worse than that. (Always get a second opinion.) The police were nice, though; they didn’t give me a hard time about my expired inspection sticker or my unloading the contraband from my trunk before my car was hauled off.

My inclination is to always go into situations knowing you catch more flies with honey- except, apparently, when it comes to insurance agencies. I called Ricardo’s company minutes after the accident. The person assigned to my claim, Marcos, was out of the office, days later he calls to tell me the driver wasn’t the owner of the vehicle and there might be a third party insurance company that may take liability, that he’d get back to me. blah, blah, blah. A week and several messages left later, I finally get him on the phone and call him out like some scrub that never returned my phone calls; well, because that’s exactly what he was. The entire thing was resolved within hours after I called him out on his poor performance.On the up side, I’ve been driving a rental car that is a change of pace from my normal, conservative car. The guy at Enterprise showed me my options and I said, “I want the clown car.”

Freak-Mobile

I have to say, other than the loads of blind spots the car has, I am really enjoying it- even the color! Orange is a very controversial color for vehicles (I have been informed.) Most people I know aren’t so hip to it but it’s grown on me.I still can’t help but get a little anxious when I cross that same stretch of road on my commute everyday. So, my driving habits have changed pretty dramatically. Now, I am officially an old woman- or, I at least drive like one.

Me

The thing is, I couldn’t justify paying $30 a day for the rental car company’s insurance. Now, I have something in common with Ricardo. Stop crying KITT; it’s going to be okay…eventually.

The LCP gets a mention today at lapolitica.com in an article about Latino polticial videos online (apparently, there aren’t enough). You can read the entire fascinating article by Luis Clemens here, but below is the snippet mentioning the LCP’s work, along with a partial quote of a sentence I uttered:

“The single-most popular Latino political video online is a parody of the trailer for the movie ‘300.’ The 65 second long video clip amusingly makes the point that immigration from Mexico is unstoppable. It was produced by the Austin-based Latino Comedy Project whose artistic director, Adrian Villegas, says ‘we didn’t specifically push it in any way.’ And yet, the video has been viewed more than one million times in three months on YouTube alone.”

Interesting. I thought “the single-most popular Latino political video online” was the exciting Hillary Clinton-Bill Richardson one-on-one debate “re-enactment” over at the website “8th Street Latinas”.

8th Street Latinas: For all your election update needs.

Their vigorous debate “re-enactment” was so riveting, I’ve watched it eleven times already (as one must, to divine policy distinctions). However, there are some staging inaccuracies which I can’t quite explain. For example, I don’t recall Hillary being a long-haired brunette who repeatedly screams “Papi!” in a near-unintelligible Honduran accent. Nor has Bill Richardson ever been, to my recollection, thin (although he has been sweaty).

*WARNING: SHAMELESSLY LOWBROW CAPTION HUMOR AHEAD!!!*

in 3…2…1…

“Hilaria” Vs. “Guillermo”: Master Debaters Pumping Democracy Into The Body Politic.

*BOO-YAH!*

Anyway…

They’re calling their election coverage “Insertion ‘08″. I don’t get it. And I don’t understand why all their debate match-ups have to feature Hillary in some way either. She may be the front-runner, but other candidates deserve to be heard too. Our democracy thrives on the marketplace of ideas. Do we really need another debate segment featuring Hillary and a physically abusive Dennis Kucinich midget lookalike who requires the use of a foot stool to get the job done? “Nay,” I say. Nay.

I know the presidential election still awaits, as it always does, on that fateful Wednesday in February, but…

Should I consider getting my political news elsewhere?

THE Cucuy

The Boogeyman

The insect-like “Boogeymantis”

Dad Stumbling Around at Night, Drunk

Adolf Hitlurker

Baron Cu von Cuy

La Llorona, Pre-Op

Genghis Khancuy

The Demon of Cuy High Harmony

Emperor Hirojoto

Cucuy Ka Joo

Richard B. Cheney

Jaime the Ripper

El Abueladaños

Sir Lancelobo

The Chupacabrones

Yahtzee the Nazi

Goblin Dick

Q’xctldactyl

Hey, mijo! I finally got this computer chingona to work.

Oye, this Internet is purty good. I saw a picture of a goat doing it with a señora from Germany. Pues, I think it was a goat.

Anyway, mijo, I know you don’t have time to visit me and your Tia on Thanksgivings. I know you’re busy with your blackberries and your Warcrafts y todo eso fregado.

Pero, don’t forgot — your Tio has a lot of good advice. I’ve been around a long time and I’ve seen a lot of pendejo shit. Like this one time, your dad and I went to Boystown and we met a hairless, toothless puta named Conchita. And your dad didn’t think she was worth the $10, but it was getting late and we were pretty drunk, so we… oye, your mom doesn’t know how to get on los blogs, right? Pues, chingado, I can’t even check because este pinche dial up takes for ever.

Toothless, Hairless. Close enough

What I was trying to tell you, mijo, is that even though you’re not coming over to eat your Tía’s Tecate Stuffing or to come watch los Cowboys aquí, we’ll be thinking about you. También when that Tony Romo throws como five touchdowns and I jump up and down y screaming y calling your papá to tell him que Troy Aikman sucks y que he’s gay. You’re gonna miss it, niño.

There’s gonna be a lot of Tecate.

Hey, are you still dating that girl that had the tattoo down close to her nalga crack? Of ese dolphin? Ay, mijo — I told her to help your Tía get all the pots and pans out of the cabinets because of my arthritises, pero it was so I could see her stretch her asscrack. Remember when I went to the bathroom right after that for a while? I had to take care of business, like esos Bachman Turner Overdrives. Are you still con esa girl? You should bring her over to the house again.

Pues, mijo, I just wanted to drop you un blog aquí. We’ll save you some turkey y can de cranberries for after Día del Turkey. Maybe you can show me how to use estos Facebooks y Myspaces. This guy at work told me there’s lots of girls with their chi-chis all over los webcams on those webs.

Girls like this! ¡Dios mío!

Hasta Chreesmas, mijo. See you at the barbecue. How do I print this so you can read it?

There’s a saying,”Nothing in life is free,” and I’m saying, “nothing exemplifies that more than a trip to the circus.” It all started when my co-worker’s girlfriend asked me to go with her to the Shriner Circus for free. Of course, I said yes; I even offered to drive. I rolled up to her house wearing my “normal clown attire”- funny hat, striped socks, clown nose - nothing overboard by any means. It wasn’t like I was wearing clown shoes.

So, we were pumped- we could almost feel the sugar that was about to be running through our veins. We were giddy thinking about the man that gets shot out of a cannon and how cool it would be to be a cannon-man’s groupies. Awesome, riiight?

My friend had received a stack of free tickets at work. Her mission was to give away the fourteen free children’s tickets to families. So, we are in the never-ending parking line and I am leaning out the window of my car asking, “Do you have any children?” when I realize I must seem like a weird pedophile or black-market merchant and that it’d be better to wait until we were out of the car.

To my amazement, everybody already had free passes. I started to smell a scam, or animal poop, I couldn’t tell which, yet. We got up to the ticket booth and my friend had failed to read the passes- you had to purchase one full-priced adult ticket to get an adult in for free. The tickets were only $14, though- not nearly as expensive as other circuses- and I was all dressed up so we gave them our money.

Inside was amazing. Not the circus, but the demographic- there were maybe three Anglo families in the whole place; the rest were “my people!” It was like a secret society– WAIT, it was a secret society. There were colorful lighted images being projected on the ceiling in a hypnotic swirling motion. I look more closely and realize they are the symbols for the Freemasons and the Shriners.

Suddenly I was afraid–VERY afraid. Was this just a huge machine to brainwash and recruit future generations of Latinos to their groups? It sure seemed like it. Adding to my nervousness were all the children walking up to me and saying, “hello!” I was like, “why are they all talking to me?” and then my friend reminded me that I was dressed like a clown. Oh, yeah…

Speaking of clowns, they all had names like Touchy and Feely and Spanky and Splatter and Jizzy- I’m not even making this up. No wonder we grow up to fear clowns…

I guess it comes as no surprise to anyone but me that at every turn was a money-making opportunity- for the circus, not me. Parking - $5, Sneaky Admission - $14, Hot Dog - $5, Drink - $5, Cotton Candy - $3, Light Sabers - $?, Coloring Books - $?, Pony Rides - $?, Elephant Rides - $?, My Shame - Priceless. And, most of the families there had a least five kids in tow. Those Shriners are a smart lot.

My theory that this was all some “master plan” was re-enforced by the programming of the show. Since when are there Flamenco dancers at the circus? Since when is the emcee a Latino transvestite? And to top it all off they closed the show with a touching tribute to America in which they played Neil Diamond’s “They’re coming to America- today!” Have truer words ever been sung at a circus? I think not.

If you love your children- or yourself, for that matter- avoid the chance of brain-washing (or worse, molestation by Jizzy) at events like the Shriner Circus. Instead, get out your striped socks, put on a funny hat and make your own circus right in your own backyard.

Your kids will thank you for it.

Why are you wasting your time reading this blog? Well, if you insist, then let me tell you a little about myself. I’m Mexican-American, morena, and a self-described hot Latina. Don’t hate, learn from this.

Oh yes, I’m one of the lucky ones that didn’t grow up hating my skin color and thinking I was ugly b/c I was dark. You see, growing up in South Texas a few decades ago and being morena/prieta was not a good combo. I’m from the Rio Grande Valley, which borders Mexico, where people were too busy trying to separate themselves from the ‘mojados’ - including some relatives who were, funny enough, from Mexico. Now don’t think this affliction is limited to border towns, because if history has taught us anything, it’s that the darker your skin, the more unwanted you are.

So I heard it all, from Blackie in middle school, to ‘hurraca negra’ (translation = black crow) from some pendejo a few years ago whose wife I represented when I practiced family law in the Valley. And yes, that pendejo was darker than me, and as delusional as the rest of ‘em, but that’s for another time and another blog.

So how the hell did I become so damn confident? Well, I was always smart in school, had my own little clique in elementary and was a fast runner, so I got praised for those things. The irony of all this? When I moved to different states I always got a lot of praise from white teachers who probably didn’t expect this from a ’Mexican’ migrant farmworker, so in expecting less of me and expressing their surprise in the form of praise, they created a monster! But enough about me, let’s get to the topic at hand.

So I was really excited b/c I had this audition for Friday Night Lights today for a microscopic role that you’ll miss if you blink! It’s a mere two lines as a hospital receptionist and chances are slim to none that I’ll get it, so ask me why I’m so excited? Because I don’t have to speak it with an accent and I get to be American - I think it’s called art imitating life ;)! So why does a receptionist role thrill me when I’m a professional in ‘real life’ and many would regard this as a step down?

Because they didn’t want me to audition as a stereotype, just as a regular person - no accent required. I have auditioned for two really popular shows airing on national television and one big budget movie starring Drew Barrymore, all of which have required me to either have an accent or be a prostitute. Now don’t get me wrong, practicing my accent and flashing some skin helps me hone my craft, but enough already! BTW, I almost landed the Panamanian prostitute role, and was thrilled at the thought. Hilarious, huh?

Speaking of…today I was chatting with an actor who was auditioning for FNL as well, and got yet another dose of reality. He starts complaining about auditioning for a dad role, as opposed to the usual lawyer/doctor roles he reads for, and is embarrassed to admit he’s not up for the CEO role. So I tell him that at least he doesn’t have to audition as a prostitute or with an accent for a role.  His response?   ‘Well, it is what it is’…what the F*&% is that!?!

Does anyone see the humor in all this? I couldn’t stop smiling and couldn’t wait to get out of there so I could make fun of this idiot out loud. Did I mention he’s an airline flight attendant who later wanted me to give him advice about his 18 yr-old-son who had a ‘hard’ life?

What do I say to that? Well, it is what it is.

Despite all evidence to the contrary, national pundits like immigration-obsessed CNN host Lou Dobbs disingenuously pretend there is no racial aspect to the current immigration policy “discussion”.

Dobbs: “Mention of Mexicans’ filthy brown skin has no place in a proper immigration debate.”

One of the most fascinating developments of the Latino Comedy Project’s “300″ video’s far-flung international exposure (over ONE MILLION VIEWS on YouTube, bitches!) has been the intense response it’s provoked in the comments section. Specifically, the video’s ironic and exaggerated use of immigration”invasion” imagery seems to have provoked an endless stream of comments that can most charitably be categorized as “Vintage Retro-Racist Harangue Chic.”

Vintage Racist.

Our nation’s closet racists are often unfairly stereotyped as a monolithic group, but in fact, I’ve discovered that their prolific writings represent an intellectually diverse strain of thought. So I’ve organized their “300″ comments into categories accurately reflecting both the content of the comments and the character of their authors (my own running observations are in bold italics).

Are these comments “monolithic”? Hardly. “Unsettling”? Perhaps. “Fucking stupid as shit and richly deserving of a merciless Mexican beatdown the likes of which haven’t been seen since the infamous Latin Kings Involuntary Beat-In Massacre of ‘89″?

Let’s not rush to judgment.

Coming Soon to White Suburbia: The Latin Kings “Bridges To Tolerance” Tour.

A single blog entry isn’t nearly enough to adequately explore all facets of this subculture, so it will be divided into several parts. Keep in mind: this is not a parody of racist comments. These are actual comments by actual persons somewhere in the United States who took the time to actually type these words.

Let’s begin with the more basic psychological deficits and work our way down, shall we…?

THE IRONICALLY CHALLENGED

HVPinc: “…It was like watching a documentary.”

jcc6767: “This [video] was a very well done piece of historical fact.”

Historically accurate Mexican orange-slinging.

THE MILITARY PORN FANTASIST

        Never let it be said these people aren’t “solution-oriented…”- A.

Hpeviscerate: “OK, I think I got it…. Suffice it to say, we need a giant mionefield (sic) across the border and if that dont work mines, pungee pits, motion-sensitive, fully-automatic sentry guns, and border dogs. then maybe a wall…”

ar15expert : “Two .50 Cal. M2 BMG crews and some land mines. Problem solved.”

boozehound420: “1 gattling gun wielding texan and there (sic) all gone.”

Lean, mean comment-postin’ machine.

camilleinchicago: “Notice how the only weapons they use (brooms, pregnant bellies) are things that don’t require a brain to operate. Bring in a couple AC-130’s and we’ll be in business.”

My money’s on the belly.

jcc6767 : “A Sniper every 1000 yds is only three per mile…..or a total of 5,100 snipers in 8 hr shifts for a grand total of 15,300 troops for the entire border….It’s very workable and should be implemented….. The amount of money our country would save would pay for the deployment 100 times over annually.”

        Psychotic, yet fiscally responsible. I like!- A.

“jcc6767 weporting for supah-dupah deadly elite ninja-samuwai-astwonaut-Jedi-sniper duty, sir! Heh-heh-heh-heh!”

THE AMATEUR ETHNOLOGISTS

SourBreastMilk: “Mexicans are just the mutt offspring of the noble Spanish and the filthy heart eating natives.”

YoungRoy: “What culture? Your country has garbage fields, pregnant girls and drunken men. Oh, yeah. I’d hate to leave that behind. :/ ”

“Despite the illusion of communicating through an oral orifice, the Amateur Ethnologist is actually speaking out his asshole.”

AmazonChitlin: “Best at making anchor babies, yes. Best at making a taco, yes. Best at blowing leaves off my porch, yes. Best people? No.”

        Was this commenter’s conception the best use of human DNA? No. -A.

Cribster: “This reflects the true nature of the invaders, not that ‘just here to work’ BS.”

Ooga001: “you filthy beaner. STFU. go back to your sombrero touting beaner country you pinche putta. lol. Don’t you dare compare Gandhi to you strawberry-picking wetbacks! you worthless beaners just steal, commit other crimes, fuck all day and make children, and fuck up the whole place.”

        Commit crimes and fuck all day? Shit, I WISH. - A

AllStar182: “i wouldn’t mind so much if they came here LEGALLY, and if 80% of them weren’t slobs who litter and play their crappy music ridiculously loud.”

        “Rollin’ in my Six-Fo, bumpin’ Los Tigres Del Norte, fuck tha mundo!” - A.

“But this accordion goes to eleven - Del Norte SIIIIDE!”

matthewdoodledog: “As a white person I am not offended by this video. Although it is a 100% accurate description of how mexicans and brazilians enter the country, like the freeloading child rearing wetbacks they are”

        Ha ha, see? No need for anyone to be offended…No, wait. -A.

ThunderNoTube: “Only the mestizo could approach the nappiness of the lowly negro. These short, squat, brown, dim-witted caricatures of earliest Humanity are appalling to all that are unfortunate enough to observe them. They have no value in this or any other nation. NO war for Israel!”

        Webster’s Dictionary defines a “non sequitur” as “a statement that appears logically unrelated to the preceding Israeli cyborg assassins walk among us.” -A.

“Prime Directive 4: Mazeltov!”

This concludes Part 1. You’ve been warned: The surface has yet nary a scratch.
Future installments coming soon!